the end.

two days ago, about 140 of us from the pacific region campus in sacramento, california, graduated from our ten month service with FEMA corps. 

before the actual ceremony that morning, I was privileged enough to share a lovely hotel breakfast with general stanley mcchrystal, ceo of the corporation for national and community service wendy spencer, and the national director of americorps nccc kate raftery. there were a few team leaders and a few corps members in attendance as well. we recounted our FEMA corps experiences and shared our thoughts on the future of national service while emphasizing the importance of serving others over several cups of coffee and some fluffy soul-warming biscuits. 

graduating from FEMA corps was one of the highlights of my life thus far and will be a prominent accomplishment I carry with me here on out. I am so incredibly proud of each and every person who walked across that stage tuesday morning, being handed their certificate that states their completion of the ten month program. we've overcome the obstacles and challenges that come with a new program while voicing our opinions and suggestions in hopes of bettering the program for future service members. 

unfortunately this will be the end of my blog (unless I decide to take on another year in those khakis? who knows what the future holds). but in the meantime...I will take the skills and insight I've gained from this past year and go forth in trying to make this world a better place, one step at a time.  

three more days

we've turned in our computers, FEMA badges, iPads, blackberrys, FEMA gear, red duffels, leftover khakis, and personal protective equipment (hard hat, safety vest, goggles, gloves). 

it's saturday and we started our morning out at 6am with a timed 1.5 mile baseline, complete with 2min push-ups and sit-ups. 

today has consisted of napping, our final celebration (a slideshow), turning in everything, napping, a generously catered bbq, and now another nap before my team and I celebrate an early christmas/thanksgiving with our secret santas. 

vastness

it's the moments where I'm driving the first shift at 7 in the morning with maria as my safety, the rocky mountains to my left, the last of the great plains to my right, the van fast asleep, music fitting the drive perfectly, and some better-than-usual hotel coffee in my cup holder. these are the moments I'll miss the most. (ok, there are many moments I'm going to miss...these are just a portion of them). 

there's nothing like driving the entire day through the sun-drenched plains of kansas only to be greeted around dinner time by the rockies in front of you. we stopped in denver yesterday evening to visit the "before I die" wall art project that is currently being exhibited in cities and countries across the world. (link to the website:   ) 

today we're traveling through wyoming and utah to end up in nevada for our last night on the road of our last cross-country trip. 

this country surprises me sometimes. there is so much beauty in the endless flat and mountainous earth that sprawls through the middle of the country. it reminds me how small I really am in relation to the world. all of the problems that I encounter and feel are too much to handle, they're all specks of illusion in the scheme of things. driving around the bend on the 80 going through wyoming and being greeted with a large snowy mountain, it takes your breath away. I'm just this little person in this little van driving on this narrow road in the middle of this vast landscape. sometimes I wish I could take everything in at each moment that I'm alive to experience it all. 

missouri stop

with only seven more days left of the program, it's pretty crazy to imagine myself at home in my bed without seven other people around me all the time. I've been living out of hotels and a duffel bag for the past nine and a half months and to think about being somewhere permanently is so foreign right now. and I guess I won't even be home permanently because after sevenish weeks, I'll be packing up to move to new york city to attend fordham university. 

we're currently driving out of st louis, missouri (where we dined on grilled cheese and tomato soup and took photos with the arch). driving through the country is a fascinating thing. there are so many different types of homes and communities and people and hobbies. I've been comparing my soon-to-be home (new york) with, for example, southern illinois or even louisville, kentucky, and it's so interesting to see the different lives people live (even if just on the surface). I can't believe nyc and the rural towns of the great plains (passing through those soon-staying in kansas tonight) are a part of the same country. I feel so lucky to have gotten to experience so much of this country and meet so many wonderful and different people along the way, from those we've worked closely with to those we've given our elevator speech to during pee breaks at gas stations across america. had I not been in this program, who knows if I would have ever climbed up on a hay barrel at sunset in nebraska for the sake of an iphone photo or have stayed at jellystone park in a small cabin in missouri with yogi the bear and boo boo. oh the things I've done and the places I've gone. 

also: fall photo shoot taken in st louis (all under fifteen minutes as the meter we parked at was 15 min only. now THATs impressive).

back home

we just left our candlewood suits home of the last two months and are embarking on our journey back across the country.

8 duffel bags, 8 laptops, 8 sleeping bags, 8 people+all of their accessories (snacks, pillows, second bags of miscellaneous items...) it's a tad crowded in this van but I am so comfortable here in the back seat amid all the chaos with my feet propped up on my bag full of diabetes supplies (or more commonly known as "the beetus bag"). 

saying goodbye to the beautiful changing virginia countryside for the last time and heading to indiana for the night.

in five short (or long?) days, I'll be back in sacramento with the rest of the corps who have been spread across the country the past few months (everywhere from missouri to texas to colorado to alaska). I can't wait to see all of their beautiful faces and hear about everyone else's deployments. 

in the meantime, however, I will be putting my phone down and going back to sleep (what better time for a van nap than at 7:35am?) before I get carsick or this cross country trip is going to get real long real fast (too detailed?) 

goodbye winchester. it's been real.

last day

our last day of work with FEMA. ever.

we just stepped off (or rather drove off) mount weather after working there for a little more than two months. (and yes, nathan, I am updating the blog only a few minutes after we left). the last two months were spent working with some of the most wonderful people I'll probably ever having the pleasure of working with. thank you all for your endless help and support when we did dsci's and didn't check F2 first and those times when we didn't put in the corresponding other duty travel training course information. again, thank you. 

it's friday evening and we are driving down the mountain watching the most beautiful sunset I can imagine, listening while jay blasts michael jackson, trying to plan when to have the van packed by tomorrow. 

sunday morning we will be hopping in the van to drive back across the country for the last time. we have eleven more days of americorps life and then will be plopped back into familiar territory. 

farmer's market

first, there were swarms of stink bugs (I went from never seeing a stink big before to becoming so well-acquainted with them I could probably give all of the west coast an extensive history of the stinkers), and now there are swarms of lady bugs.* we've got eight more days of work here at mt weather and will be heading back to sacramento before we know it.

I'll definitely be missing these autumn leaves, crisp country air, and beautiful scenic drives. 

this past weekend was spent visiting a local farmer's market and browsing the organically grown fruits, vegetables, meats, and gluten free goodies. there were jams of all kinds and jars and jars of apple butter (which is a relatively new concept to me and I am so glad we've been introduced because it is delicious). we ended up buying a large container of unpasteurized apple cider, recommendation courtesy of a FEMA deployment employee. I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful fall weekend.

*I would like to point out that, after an extensive conversation with two of my coworkers, these creatures are not lady bugs. they are, in fact, asian lady beetles. and they bite. 

personal day

with the program, we get three personal days and two life after americorps (laa) days. because I saved all my days until this last deployment (yeah I'm not sure why either) I haven't had a full week of work in the past few weeks, taking a day off per week to take advantage of my allotted days before the program's over. I am enjoying a personal day off today, making myself luxurious big breakfasts (trying to use up the excessive amount of eggs we have...still haven't even made a dent) and buying fudge supplies from big lots across the street while my team is working up at mt weather, deploying reservists and watching as snow flurries fly by their windows. 

some days I am more than ready to be home and in a bed of my own with no reports to write or khakis to wear. other days I am inexplicably content walking the two miles along highway and park paths to old town wearing my collection of goodwill and gabriel brothers' clothing. 

I found out yesterday that I was accepted into nyu's school of social work and will be starting come january. meaning, one: I better get used to this cold weather real fast, and 2: I will only be home for a month and a half after the program ends before I move away. but this time for longer than nine months. there are only 25 more days until I am put on a plane back to southern california and plopped back into the life I lived nine months ago. 

I was talking to my team/room/life mate last night about the way things change and end. it's strange that I lived with these people so closely (and I mean three people to a bed at certain points) for an extended amount of time and experienced things so far out of my comfort zone and gained insight into myself and into others. and we'll all be split and leave each other after the program's graduation in november. and move into new parts of our lives separately. it's all very strange. 

it's especially strange to imagine myself come january in a place to call home for longer than 5-9 weeks at a time. where I'll have my own space and will no longer carry around five ipads and three blackberrys (alright, slight exaggeration...). 

 all I can try to do now is to appreciate every moment I'm fortunate enough to live in. working alongside the warm and welcoming folks in the FEMA deployment branch at mt weather. receiving free meals because the brand new building we work in now (that's still being built as we speak...) is opening a cafeteria on the third floor and the wonderful cooks are trying out new equipment and recipes on us. movie nights via netflix on our little ipad screens after a dinner of steamed veggies and rice. looking up endless no-bake recipes in order to provide ourselves with comfort food after a long day at work as the weather gets colder and colder. trying to convince our coworkers to let us come to work dressed in costumes for halloween. watching as the leaves change from green to orange to yellow to red every single morning on our drive to work. driving along the most beautiful country roads I have ever seen in my life. making new east coast friends who have already impacted my life greatly. being asked "so what is this thing called americorpS" (emphasis on the S). and sitting on my bed on my day off listening to the rustle of leaves outside and feeling the brisk fall air float into our small shared space and being able to be completely still while reflecting on the year I've just had. (now THAT is service learning people: REFLECTING).

(per my mother's request)

I have received a special request from my mother for a blog update...

we have 11 days and some odd hours until we leave the virginia countryside and head back to sacramento. in our van. with our duffels. across the country for the fourth time. I really can't complain though, how many people get to drive cross country, let alone four times. and get to experience so many people and places and homes across several states in only nine and a half months? 

I've been getting emotional thinking about the ending of our program. in 29 days I will sitting in my bedroom. without the presence of seven other teammates. with no hours or quantifiables to count and no nccc position summary paragraphs to submit. able to drive wherever and whenever I need to. 

and that's not even exaggerating. it is only 29 more days. and I'll be back home. in my bed that I don't share and no khakis to look forward to in the morning. 

I can't believe how fast this year has gone by. if I continue to reminisce anymore I'm going to start a cryfest in my  hotel room and I don't have energy for that right now. I'm saving that for november 19th when the friends and family I have met and lived with the past several months have to part ways.

so in the meantime to distract from being sad and emotional....photos of beautiful virginia: 

thursday night

there's something about the freezing rain, blindingly thick fog, uber saturated leaves, and a bag of semi sweet chocolate chips that just makes life absolutely perfect on a thursday night.

I've been looking up no-bake recipes (due to our hotel housing and lack of oven...we do have a stove though!) and will attempt to create s'more fudge tonight. I can't imagine being anywhere else than in my hotel room with my two beautiful team/life/room/bed mates, trying to bring to life a fudge recipe off my phone, listening to a soft pandora station, recounting our FEMA corps tales since day 1.

these are the times I will miss the most. 

in the midst of the government shutdown...

(this post really has nothing to do with the government shutdown so, grams and gramps, if you're reading in hopes of learning some inside info on raising the debt ceiling or the final decisions made on obamacare, 1. you are about to be sorely disappointed by this post, and 2. I am an americorps member and am likely to never have any inside government information despite being affiliated with the government at this point in my life.) 

I just wanted to get on my soapbox for five seconds and write a post about being a person with diabetes living out of a duffel for ten months. if any of my diabetes friends are out there and wondering if you could live out of a duffel for ten months, you definitely can. and if this post reaches no one but myself in five months (yes I'll already be reminiscing in five months I'm sure) then I want to remember that I pulled through the trials and tribulations brought along with this program as a twentysomething but also as a young person with diabetes.

on the 31st of this month (also known as halloween...the biggest sweets day of the year), I will have had diabetes for eleven years of my life. today is just one of the days where I'm reminded I'm diabetic. it's been a combination of exhaustion, cabin fever (for being in the last month or so of the program), and excessive low blood sugars. it's tough when there's so much team planning involved every day for either PT after work or team grocery shopping, etc. sometimes it can be a lot. 

I just mainly want to put the message out into blogging cyberspace that, lifelong illness or not, you can do exactly what you want to do in life if you set your mind to it. yes managing diabetes on the daily in addition to meshing my schedule with those of seven other teammates can be rough and challenging. but things in life will always be rough and challenging. your reality is a reflection of your response to those things. 

there will always be days where you'll wonder why you're the one who has to wait another hour and a half to eat dinner in hopes of your blood sugar coming down or why you're the one who is late to the van in the morning because your pump stopped working and you have to change your site before leaving for work. there will also be days where those things won't happen. you will have good days and bad days no matter where you're at in life, so don't let them hinder you from trying new things (like living on the road for 10 months traveling the country assisting with disaster relief and recovery) and pursuing your dreams..whatever those may be. 

I wanted to write this post to my future self to remind myself of the challenges I've overcome thus far and that I will only continue to do so. don't let yourself think you're in any way less capable of achieving a goal because you have a failed pancreas and a few insulin bottles in your pack. you have as much drive and ambition as the next person. maybe even more so because you have to work to take those few extra steps to count carbs before you leave in the morning and make sure your insulin pump has enough battery life in it. and you don't get a choice whether you want to take those steps or not-they're already decided for you. 

whether you have team PT at a time you're trying to change your insulin pump or you find yourself eating cereal at 3am for a low blood sugar, don't let it get you down. suck down that sugar, bolus those units, put on your steel-toed boots, and get back to work. because there's so much more waiting for you to discover. it can seem overwhelming and it will at times, it really will. but take a breath, tell your teammates to wait for you while you (insert something related to an insulin pump, injection, or testing your blood sugar here), and jump back in. 

this program is one of the best decisions I've made in my life and I don't regret it one bit. 

morning drive

I don't think I'll ever get tired of driving through the changing fall forest on our way to/from work listening to jenny lewis and the lumineers, free hotel coffee in hand.

I've never lived (although temporarily) in some place more beautiful. I feel so lucky to have been here for more than a month already and to be here for 30 days more (unless ts karen gets dramatic and decides to hit the gulf coast and we get deployed...). 

sept 29

sitting in my shared bed (how many posts begin like this?) listening to mal playing soft music on her ipad, reading a book a new friend gave me for a gift, and already reminiscing my americorps life. I hiked a small portion of the appalachian trail with some members from my team this afternoon. today was the most beautiful day with the most incredible weather. fall is selling me on small virginian country towns. 

the other day as I was driving back from work, as the radio was on and conveniently playing every single song I like and know (I've begun to learn a surprising amount about country music and this was a rare instance where country music was absent from the station for 30 min), the sun was an unbelievable golden bouncing off of the corn fields and orange/green/red leaves, and I was thinking about how I got to this point in my life. and it was all because I had just happened to find out about americorps from a brief conversation with my dad. three days later, I had applied for nccc. which turned into FEMA corps. and now I'm here. sometimes I can't believe how willing I was to ship my body off for 10 months on an adventure that I was nowhere near prepared for. but desperately needed.

we have almost exactly one month left working here in winchester and will then pack ourselves and our belongings (let's be real, it's more like "belonging"-singular) back into our van and drive to sacramento where we will finish the program with two weeks of transitioning, finishing up paperwork, debriefs, and trying not to face the reality of real life which is slowly moving in.

I'm currently waiting to hear back from graduate programs and am already planning my permanent move out of my childhood home and into the real world. but then again, I've been living out of a van essentially for the past seven and a half months, so I guess I've already made that permanent move without realizing it? it's difficult to be completely present in these last moments of the program. because I'm distracted by future plans and the occasional frustrations that come with living and working with seven other people very closely. 

I have no idea how september creeped by...but october is here, and before I know it, I'll be graduating from the first class of FEMA corps at the pacific region campus with a little more than a hundred of the most wonderful individuals I've ever had the pleasure of learning from. I don't know how my life got to be so wonderfully strange and different than what I had ever imagined it would be, but I wouldn't change it for anything.

I can only hope this van ride will last me the rest of my life (not literal van ride, been there done that. it's a once-is-wonderful-enough kind of thing, you know?), dropping me off at moments I can't imagine now and picking me right back up to carry me to people and places that haven't been thought of yet. 

it's going to be a wild ride. 

fall

in between calling FEMA reservists and deploying them all over the country and shoving my face full of halls defense cough drops and blowing my nose in the hallway outside where transportation security administration works diligently away, I feel I need to reevaluate my life a bit. at age 24, I never thought I'd be working atop mt weather, battling the sickness that comes to a southern californian who hasn't experienced the changing seasons before. it's kind of glorious. despite the stuffed sinuses and the several people who ask me to repeat myself when giving them their deployment information (I wonder why...my voice is just so incredibly audible when I'm sick), I really am enjoying our deployment out here. eating lunch outside on a picnic table overlooking the rest of virginia isn't so bad. even if I do have to zip my jacket up to my ears and keep my hands wedged into my cargo pockets because it tends to get pretty chilly on the highest point in shenandoah valley. 

overall, though. I have to say this beautiful fall season is making me fall in love with small country towns. 

63 days

sitting at our miniature table all on our laptops finishing up personal statements, city year and college applications, attempting to plan for our futures after FEMA corps. needless to say, it's been an overwhelming process that's led to a lot of facebook and a lot of chocolate.

I've already become reminiscent of my time in this program. looking through facebook photos, re-reading blog posts, thinking about the first few months living out of my duffel...it's all been a very strange process. in the best way possible. 

our time with the deployment unit at mt weather has been incredible. things have been getting busy with the flooding in colorado and now in new mexico. it's been pretty exciting seeing where all of the FEMA personnel will be sent and to actually be the people who send them there. I feel like I'm directly helping the agency carry out its mission of getting to disaster sites and helping the survivors as quickly as possible. 

I've been trying to soak in the small town country life as much as possible. I can't help but ogle out the windows every time we drive anywhere, like a child who hasn't seen a thunderstorm or falling leaves or deer on the side of the road before (which I guess I am...since I am from a place where weather rarely happens and wildlife are scarcely seen). 

I have 63 days left of my time in americorps nccc-FEMA corps, and am really trying to make the most of every possible moment. 

white house

sitting in a starbucks down the street from the white house, trying to write and complete personal statements for two graduate programs I hope to apply to by the end of today. not the easiest task after the morning I've had. 

this morning, I was honored to speak at the white house in front of the national task force about my experience with FEMA corps. I greeted mr. serino, the deputy administrator of FEMA, to begin the morning and it just went from there. halfway through the morning, I followed rich serino's talk and was introduced by wendy spencer, the ceo of the corporation for national and communitiy service. I basically went over everything I have written about in this blog. in two minutes. and left out the fact that I'm keeping a blog (to sound maybe a bit more professional than just a duffel-living, van-traveling, blog-writing, boot-wearing corps member). I think it went well. 

I was approached by several members of the task force later on and thanked for both my time to speak this morning and for my service to disaster survivors. which I responded by profusely thanking them for letting me be there to speak in front of them. 

after talking with asim mishra, the deputy chief of staff at cncs, about our common experiences during our years of service and the impact it had on both our lives, I think his comment about sums it up: at 24, did you ever think you'd be casually walking by the white house after speaking in front of members from obama's administration? 

no, no I did not. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. 

needless to say, this morning was an incredible start to my 24th year (as I officially became another year older this past monday) and I am so grateful to have been given the opportunity to represent national service members across the country.

virginia updates

working as a deployment specialist at mt. weather has been quite the enjoyable experience. today was my first real day "out on the floor" (FEMA deployment lingo) with my headset all on my lonesome. and might I say, it didn't go half bad. I've been making calls to FEMA reservists with deployment requests as well as answering phone calls from FEMA personnel who need to either check in or out of their assigned disasters, change their lodging addresses, etc. "the floor" has proved to be a pretty exciting place to be. 

this past weekend, I went with a few teammates to a tailgate festival in old town winchester where I'm pretty sure every winchester resident was in attendance. I can't begin to describe my newfound love for small towns. they are my favorite type of town. the food, the lingo, the people, the corn hole tournaments (west coast friends-google it. yes, people really play corn hole as a social activity). everything was wonderful. there were beer and wine tastings and everyone knew everybody else. at one point, the sheriff was leaning over a fence to catch up with another local and was there for a good half hour. it was a perfect day for a tailgate event (especially since my strange 24-hour strep throat episode was petering out by that point and I was more delusional and tired than achy and dying, like I had been the previous afternoon). things are really looking up over here in virginia. 

also, this past weekend, my team and I volunteered at a puppy adoption charity fundraiser at barrel oak winery in the  virginia countryside. we assisted with the silent auction, monitoring the food table so dogs didn't slobber all over the human food, grilled some veggie burgers and hotdogs, sold doggie halloween costumes (I've really missed out on a huge part of life by never having a dog...). the winery is purposefully puppy friendly and located on the most gorgeous little section of rolling hills I've ever seen. it got real hot and humid in that lovely ameriuniform as the afternoon went on, but the location was too beautiful to care about the sweat trickling down my back (let's not kid ourselves...it was water-falling down my back. wow, this whole living-out-of-a-duffel thing has really lowered my standards hasn't it....) anyhow, I got to pretend for an entire afternoon that I owned a pet for the first time in my life, as well as encourage others in attendance to adopt the dogs that need a home. it was a well spent afternoon indeed.

oh and I turned 24. so there's that.

also in other news.....

I've recently learned that I will be speaking at a national task force meeting at the white house this friday to emphasize the importance of national service. it will be just me, my khakis, and a room of representatives from seventeen federal agencies. tomorrow I will be prepping for my two minute FEMA corps schpeel. details to come later. 

in the meantime....photos.